This story will make sense later...

One of the most miserable experiences of my life. Some years ago (so many that I'm not sure exactly when it was) I went to Montreal to visit Jon, with friends Liz and Jen. We were walking around downtown, it was hot, it was summer, when Jon suggested we stroll up to the Mount Royal park. Everyone seemed excited to go, so I agreed; even though I probably would have preferred to find a nice air-conditioned coffee shop to sit in somewhere.

I should have know this wasnt going to be fun, and I probably should have turned back, when before we even hit the mountain, when there were still houses and shops around us, the ground started to incline and I started to whine. I slowed down considerably, while my "friends" (I use quotation marks because at the time I was sure I'd never speak to any of them again) hopped and skipped and pranced up the hill. I was the fat kid in the Goonies pleading, "wait up guuuys!"

I'm not going to describe how Jon got me to the foot of the mountain because it was too humiliating. I also won't describe how much pleasure some of the company seemed to be taking watching me struggle and motivating me to keep going. Of course, that's just from my side of things. Maybe my dear friends aren't sadistic assholes.

Anyhoo, a few hours later, after me pleading for breaks and receiving few, we made it up the mountain. Hooray. I rested a few minutes, looked over the edge, and then they were at it again. They wanted to find the big illuminated cross. I wanted to kill them all. I wanted to take a nap. I wanted to find a taxi.

So, with my calves on fire we continued roaming around the mountain, getting lost, finding our way, finding the park, becoming bored of the park, getting hungry, descending the mountain. I don't remember much else.

Unrelatedly, on that same trip we all planned to go canoeing. We spent 3 hours driving to a park and spent our last few dollars renting canoes. As soon as Liz and I settled into our tiny boat, in about two feet of water, I started to have a panic attack and had to be brought back to shore. Apparently, I am deathy afraid of water.

Everyone but me squeezed into the other canoe, and went out for a few hours while I sat on the beach with a pack of cigarettes. And no lighter. Because it was Jon's and he thought he may want to smoke on the boat. Son of a bitch.

Note: Jon, Liz, and Jen, if you've read this far, you know I love you guys now, but this is a story about a couple of hours when I really, really didn't. Please feel free to add your version in the comments, but try not to give away why I'm writing this.

My Fridge-top Garden

With the world economy going down the drain, I figured it was about time I learn to fend for myself. I cant forget the time I walked into my local Japanese supermarket, and felt a twinge of panic when I saw the shelves near empty. The apocalypse is coming, I thought. When you have no internet and the newspapers are written in gibberish, major world events like that can spring up on you. It turns out Max Value was just being closed down to be turned into a super-pharmacy. Next time I may not be so lucky.

Really though, now that I have this sweet little bunny dwelling in my apartment I have a load of new responsibilities. I have to feed her, change her litter box, keep her from electrocuting herself. The "experts" (or, know-it-all-rabbit-freaks-I-am-slowly-turning-into) at Bunspace.com claim pellet diets are really horrible for bunnies, turns them into ferocious wererabbits, and we should be feeding them fresh fruits and vegetables everyday.

Um, I dont even feed myself fresh fruits and vegetables. You can't find an apple in this country for less than 100 yen. The 54 cherries pictured go for about $175USD. Shit is expensive here. But my poor little Raspberry-chan needs her food, and I can't shell out 500 yen a day on basil, spinach, and carrots anymore. So, I've decided to start a little garden-experiment. I've wanted to grow something since I moved into my new place, it has a pretty big balcony (for Japan), about 3X20 feet, and it gets good sun.

As with most things, I'm not particularly good at gardening. I vaguely remember growing lima beans when I was 12, but the plants never produced anything and I got bored. My one green success is "Courtney Cox Arquette," the house plant I used to keep on my Illustration desk in university, now being taken care of by Liz.


So, the plan is to get things started on top of my refrigerator, and if all goes well move everything outside in March.

Oh, and, as usual, this is a little bit more difficult because I'm in Japan.

TofuSquirrel Rides

Yamada Denki, electronics store. From's Liz's visit in April. I promise, they think this is an exercise machine, here.

Riizu-chan

Long time, no post. It feels that way, anyway. My unsecured wireless signal has been less reliable lately and Ive been busy with all the things that people get busy with. So, anyway, last week Liz visited! It was super fun. Once it was determined where I actually live (no, not Kudamatsu, not Hiroshima) she came to Tokuyama (or Shunan, or Sakuragi...) and we did fun Japaneasy things. The first day we went to the Mall and ate Omu Rice (really gross, picture scrambled eggs over rice in pee sauce). We went to the arcade and pet shop and tried to steal a monkey.

No trip to my neck of the woods is complete without a visit to Miyajima and a gander at the O-Torii gate. We also went up this ropeway. That went something like this: "Liz, Liz, ikimasho! We have to go up the ropeway, c'mon! It'll be awesome!"

"Ok, Jeannette, sure."

We climb halfway up the mountain and buy our 1800円 round trip tickets. As soon as we get in the car thing it's the Montreal canoe trip all over again. "Oh my God Liz, Im going to fucking die. Im going to puke all over this thing. Shit-damn-hell-balls."

"Jeannette, your eyes arent even open. And let go of me, I cant feel my hand."

And then we saw a tanuki. And went to Starbucks and drew.



The cherry blossoms bloomed and people go nuts for that shit here. It's hilarious. I had the traditional 'o-hanami' picnic thing last weekend. I did a watercolour painting (yes, Im obviously still doing the one-month-sober thing), it turned out like shit.

Im at work and have to get the train home, so that's the end of my lame post about a un-lame time I had with Liz!

Happy Sainto Patarikuzu Day

I have all this Irish blood in me (maybe I'm like 15% Irish--I dont really know, Ive never had my genetic makeup tested), but Ive never felt like celebrating Saint Patrick's Day before I came to Japan.

So on Saturday I paid 1000 yen to hear Sagi from Iwakuni play "Amazing Grace" on the bagpipes. Id never heard bagpipes before in my life. I dont think experiencing them played indoors by a Japanese self-proclaimed beginner was the best idea.

We went to the local Irish Pub (we actually always go there, this holiday is just a happy coincidence) and Guiness was only 500 yen so that was fantastic. I dont really have anything else to write about this night, but I need a few more lines so my photos are properly formatted on this post. If I didnt write this much they'd all be shoved together at the top and I wouldnt be able to go to sleep knowing how unattractive my blog has become. No one reads this shit anyway.

Oh and I dont smoke. *cough* I was just holding it for the cameraman. *cough*

Tomorrow I have my first Japanese lesson with my new teacher. It's at 10AM. That will be painful.

And Liz is coming in like a week and a half! Squeeeeel!

Dustin, Me, Ashley, Nick