Beauty Queen

I just got my hair did--together with Naomi-chan. Another 4 hour ordeal(for the money it cost, it better be a full day event). I got a straight perm and cut. They put this chemical on my hair and wrapped me in saran wrap and let me cook for 30 minutes. They then rinsed it out and gave me a little scalp rub. Then a girl blew out and straightened my hair. I thought we were finished; we hadn't even started.

I'm used to cheap mall salons with bitchy single-mom with over-treated hair, but mostly I'm used to having a few drinks and taking the scissors into the bathroom myself.

She then applied a new chemical to my dry, straight, hair and had me wait again. Then another wash. Then the cut began. I realized I was clenching my fists pretty hard by this time. The hairdresser brought me some English magazines. Celebrity cut mags from 2001. A nice gesture, but doesn't beat the last time when the hairdresser gave me a Japanese "Where's Waldo?"

They tried to talk to me, in English and Japanese. I wish there was a switch somewhere I could press to turn conversation off. I need to learn the Japanese for "please don't worry about being friendly." I'm not a haircut talker, we're not going to become friends, and I'm too nervous to smile and be polite. But, I'm sure they feel pressure (especially the assistants) to be really friendly, as a kind of business model.

I like the cut and perm, though. It's really humid, but my hair looks washed, brushed, and fresh! Now I know why so many white girls have been recommending the straight perm.

Note about the picture: all the little hairs touching my face was totally making me sneeze! I sneezed once in the middle of the haircut. I didnt know what to do or how to warn him it was coming.

Purikura!

I participated in the ancient Japanese tradition of purikura with Nao-chan.

Applications!

A new comic added to my Sketchblog...

Motto Fan Club

Motto mentioned in passing that he wouldnt mind teaching Japanese lessons over the internet in his "spare time" (or meal/sleeping time, as most people call it). So, I of course immediately got started building him a website. It was fun and didnt take very long. I like playing around with HTML code and pop-ups and PayPal. I even used a coupon I had to take an ad out on Facebook. Maybe you will be one of the thousands of lucky Facebookers to see the ad. You'd have to have "Japanese" or "Japanese Language" or "Japanese Culture" as one of your listed interests (god knows, I dont) and you'd have to live in the States...but, who knows. If you see it take a screen shot (feel free to black out whatever unmentionable Facebook group you're trolling).

Now, you might be thinking, "Why would I pay money to talk to your boyfriend online?" Because I know I would. I mean, he doesnt usually make me pay, but... Actually, tons of people here, in Japan!, pay loads of money for Japanese lessons every week. I used to, back when I was capable of book learnin, before I became obsessed with watching King of the Hill reruns on Videostic.com. But really, if people who live in a country surrounded by Japanese would pay to take lessons, there must be something to the word "lesson" that makes you not mind throwing money at it.

Plus he's a real teacher. Plus he giggles a lot. Plus he may agree to do webcam. Plus I'm not even sure he knows what's going on. I'm not asking any of you blog readers to sign up for lessons. I hope I have a more refined audience then Naruto-obsessed-used-Japanese-pantie-sniffing-Nihonphiles. But, do go check out my amazing web-baby-making skillz. It's at http://japaneselesson.jimmyjanesays.com.

I think he escaped from a fish market.

From my niece, Vyctoria:

She's on to me.

Pizza Toppings, Yum! *puke*

These are ads from (seriously) the best pizza place in these parts of Japan. Most other Japanese pizzas are like eating cheese colored Play-Dough on crackers.



In the mood for avocado and pizza? No problem! And at Chicago pizza they don't even bother cutting the avocado into bite sized pieces! And don't forget the mayo lattice on top. The "L" size (American small) will set you back about $36.



At this point you're asking yourself, "What about corn? I dont consume nearly enough corn everyday." Don't worry. The above pizza includes corn, mayo, AND french fries! Fries on the side? Pffft. This is imitation American food, and everyone knows Americans just pile all their favorite foods into a trough and go at it.



And now a little something for the kids. The Tuna-Mayo mild is a pizza your 12 year-old will be begging to get at. It has everything those young finicky eaters crave: tuna, mayo, chunks of tomato, and CORN! YUM!

But seriously, I wish I had enough money to get one of these. And the Japanese skills to get it delivered to my apartment.

This story will make sense later...

One of the most miserable experiences of my life. Some years ago (so many that I'm not sure exactly when it was) I went to Montreal to visit Jon, with friends Liz and Jen. We were walking around downtown, it was hot, it was summer, when Jon suggested we stroll up to the Mount Royal park. Everyone seemed excited to go, so I agreed; even though I probably would have preferred to find a nice air-conditioned coffee shop to sit in somewhere.

I should have know this wasnt going to be fun, and I probably should have turned back, when before we even hit the mountain, when there were still houses and shops around us, the ground started to incline and I started to whine. I slowed down considerably, while my "friends" (I use quotation marks because at the time I was sure I'd never speak to any of them again) hopped and skipped and pranced up the hill. I was the fat kid in the Goonies pleading, "wait up guuuys!"

I'm not going to describe how Jon got me to the foot of the mountain because it was too humiliating. I also won't describe how much pleasure some of the company seemed to be taking watching me struggle and motivating me to keep going. Of course, that's just from my side of things. Maybe my dear friends aren't sadistic assholes.

Anyhoo, a few hours later, after me pleading for breaks and receiving few, we made it up the mountain. Hooray. I rested a few minutes, looked over the edge, and then they were at it again. They wanted to find the big illuminated cross. I wanted to kill them all. I wanted to take a nap. I wanted to find a taxi.

So, with my calves on fire we continued roaming around the mountain, getting lost, finding our way, finding the park, becoming bored of the park, getting hungry, descending the mountain. I don't remember much else.

Unrelatedly, on that same trip we all planned to go canoeing. We spent 3 hours driving to a park and spent our last few dollars renting canoes. As soon as Liz and I settled into our tiny boat, in about two feet of water, I started to have a panic attack and had to be brought back to shore. Apparently, I am deathy afraid of water.

Everyone but me squeezed into the other canoe, and went out for a few hours while I sat on the beach with a pack of cigarettes. And no lighter. Because it was Jon's and he thought he may want to smoke on the boat. Son of a bitch.

Note: Jon, Liz, and Jen, if you've read this far, you know I love you guys now, but this is a story about a couple of hours when I really, really didn't. Please feel free to add your version in the comments, but try not to give away why I'm writing this.

FOOD!

LSL sent me these amazing snacks and candies! Veggie jerky, peanut butter cookies, lentils, black licorice, falafel mix...
THANK YOU!!

Unchi

I haven't slept in a really long time. All my friends and relatives inboxes have already been filled, so I'm cracking open the old blog.

I told my students today that they don't sell natto in Amerika. They were aghast.

My 15 year old students just sat making fun of me in Japanese while I read from the textbook.

I went to a two hour meeting this morning that proved that the curriculum my company uses is either made by monkeys or hamsters. What five year old needs to learn, "I'm fastening my seatbelt" (virtually unmemorizable) before they understand the nouns seat, belt, or hell---car.

And uh, that's my life right now. Or the parts that I'm willing to share. Enjoy the bunny video below.